


More than them

by Eclipse (ShadowFlower99)



Series: Moon and Stars, Shadows and Light [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:28:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowFlower99/pseuds/Eclipse
Summary: No one noticed how guilty he felt, they only saw his guilt. No one saw the pain he was in, they only saw the pain he caused. No one realised he hated himself, far more than any hated him
Series: Moon and Stars, Shadows and Light [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1393006
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	More than them

Chan had yelled at Felix. He had never yelled at Felix before, but he had been so stressed he just snapped. Felix gave him such a betrayed look and the other members glared at him, before Woojin snapped that practice was over and they dragged Felix out, leaving him alone. Chan swore, pulling at his hair, before picking up his stuff. He would let everyone cool down and apologise tomorrow, but spend today in his studio, hoping that it would be better the next day.

It wasn’t. Everyone was still either avoiding him (Maknae line) or glaring at him (the other hyungs). He felt terrible, but with the way no one let him get close to Felix, he wasn’t able to apologise. Instead, he shut himself away in the studio whenever they had no schedule. He had hoped that someone would notice, but no one did.

They didn’t notice the guilt overwhelming him, how he stopped reading the messages in the group chat. No one even noticed when he forgot to go live. They didn’t notice how his smiles were forced. The fans asked about it, but no one responded. Not the members, who were ignoring anything Chan related, and not Chan who hadn’t touched his phone in weeks.

Chan himself was falling back into bad habits, of working until he passed out at the desk, of forgetting to eat and drink for hours, and sometimes, even days. Still, no one noticed. They didn’t notice how he was stumbling from lack of food, choosing to point out his mistakes. They didn’t notice the bags under his eyes, instead, walking out without asking him if he wanted to join. They ignored his attempts to apologise to Felix, continuing to glare and ignore him. They still followed him as a leader, but their words were coated with hate and sarcasm. They didn’t see the hate he had for himself, the utter hopelessness he had.

Chan was someone who often struggled with his own mental health, and it was his members who would bring him out of his slumps, who would remind him to sleep to eat and to come home. Without them, he would work until he crashed, and even then, force himself to keep working. It was his way of keeping the negative thoughts at bay. Any time he wasn’t working was filled with self-deprecating thoughts, so he would work to keep them away.

With the members ignoring him, it was no surprise that he overworked himself, and it was a matter of time before he collapsed. He had been running on fumes for a while now. He hadn’t slept or eaten in days, and he had lost a dangerous amount of weight over the past month that the members had ignored him.

It was Woojin and Felix who found him, after he never turned up to practice. Even as some of the other members cursed him out, Woojin felt his heart drop. How long had it been since he started ignoring Chan? How long had is been since anyone gave him any attention outside practice? How long had they let Chan destroy himself in his studio because they were mad over something as small as Chan yelling from stress?

Woojin knew that Chan could have just forgotten the time, but he also knew that the other had a habit of overworking and self destruction. Arriving at Chan’s studio, Woojin knocked on the door. When he received no reply, he swore, opening the door to see Chan, curled up on the floor, unconscious. He swore again, pulling out his phone to call the manager to pick him up because Chan had collapsed, before calling the members to say that practice was off, because Chan couldn't make it.

He heard one of the others scoff, muttering a ‘first he yells at Lixie, now he’s skipping practice’ but Woojin burst in before they could continue the rant, “I’m getting manager hyung to take us to hospital. Keep practicing.”

Immediately, everyone quietens, before there’s a burst of noise as they speak over each other, trying to figure out what was wrong. Call him petty, but he didn’t want to talk to the other members so soon after they ignored him. In fact, the only person who wasn’t was Felix, and he was being dragged away from Chan by the other members. Woojin himself had felt guilty, but he couldn’t lose himself in these thoughts as Felix picked him up, “He’s so light hyung.” Woojin hummed, opening the door for Felix who walked through carrying Chan.

They made it to the entrance where the manager was waiting for them. Chan stayed unconscious through the whole ride. When they arrived, Chan was taken away by the doctors as Felix and Woojin sat in the waiting room. Woojin continued to ignore the buzzing of his phone from the other members. As soon as they were allowed to see Chan, Felix curled around the other, crying silently. Luckily, Chan woke up soon after.

Chan was confused. The last thing he remembered was dots floating across his vision when he stood up too quickly. Looking around, he noticed a body curled up to his tightly. Noticing that it was Felix, he nudged the other awake. Felix immediately latched on tighter, sobbing, “I’m so, so sorry hyung. I should have tried higher.” Chan was confused, “Hey, don’t cry. Why are you sorry? It was my fault.” Instead of reassuring Felix, it made him cry harder, “no, you were stressed and I was messing around. I shouldn’t have let the others drag me away. I’m so sorry. I tried to apologise but they wouldn’t let me, and you weren’t responding to your phone so I thought you were mad.”

Chan hugged Felix tighter, “It’s not your fault Felix. I forgot to charge my phone. You can’t stop what the others do either.” It was at that moment that the other members burst in, stammering apologies. Chan looked confused, “Why? Why are you apologising? It’s my fault for yelling.” If anything, the others looked more upset, “But we shouldn’t have ignored you, especially since we know about your tendency to overthink. It’s also our fault that we didn’t ask why you yelled. We know you don’t yell, so we should have known that there was a reason for you getting mad.”

Later, when they were discharged, all the members dragged Chan into the middle of a bed for a massive cuddle session, while mentally promising themselves to never judge so harshly without reason again. While nothing would be perfect instantly, and while it would take some time for Chan to fully recover and gain all the weight he lost back, they would make it, because they were Stray Kids and they were nine.


End file.
